ANONYMOUS: Break Up Stories

Our voyeuristic nature has led us to nosiness. We have decided to start a series of totally anonymous stories from friends and strangers. Our first round of anonymous stories revolves around something a little painful: break up stories. Namely, we wanted your strangest break up stories.

Do magazines like Seventeen still do this? Those were my favorite parts growing up.
Feel free to comment with your own!

KICK OFF
+ “This one time I dated a guy for about 3 months, and during that entire period, he never showed me his feet. EVER! I couldn’t even sneak his socks off him while he was sleeping. It ultimately drove me insane and contributed to me breaking up with him. The most fucked up part though, is that my friend started dating him some months later, and she saw his feet the first night! As if.”

MR. CLEAN
+ “My first real boyfriend ever probably liked me more than any others ever had. He loved me, or at least he thought he did. I broke up with him for the first time on the phone, because we were long distance, but he convinced me to stay with him a while longer. I did it, because I cared about him. I didn’t realize it was probably a bad decision until New Year’s Eve night when the whole thing blew up in my face. I ended up breaking up with him probably around midnight. For some reason, once I did it, he started cleaning his kitchen. He probably cleaned the whole thing. I had no idea what to do.”

SANDWICH > BOYFRIEND
+ “[Blank] bought me a sandwich after he dumped me. We were supposed to go to the cat circus, and he broke up with me, and I got upset not because he dumped me, but because I wanted to go see a cat skateboard. He said I seemed hungry and took me to get a sandwich. Obviously the end of the story is that I lost a boyfriend, but I at least got a sandwich out of it.”

DEPLOYED
+ ”He was my first real boyfriend, which meant I devoted many heartfelt blogs about our relationship torn asunder by meeting at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was going to join the Navy at the end of the summer, but he said he’d look me up at the end of his term in two years when I’d ‘probably have short hair, which would be really hot’ (his words). Two years later, I ran into him. He hadn’t joined the Navy at all. In fact, he had been living in this same city all this time. The best part was he tried to go home with me that night, which was followed by ‘When are we going to hang out’ texts. Luckily, in two years I had become less of an idiot and less resistant to his obvious charm.”

FUCK BILLY
+ “I was dating ‘Beatrice’ in high school. Through her, I had met this guy ‘Billy’ who was her best friend. I thought he seemed like a cool enough guy so I became friends with him too. Well ‘Beatrice’ had a chance to graduate half a year early so she did. She left and went to college, and for the first few weeks, we kept in touch. Finally she decided to break it off.

“So a few weeks went by, and her other friend ‘Susie’ who lives far away calls me one day and tells me that ‘Beatrice’ had been cheating on me while we were dating with ‘Billy.’ I was super pissed off as anyone would be, but because we weren’t even dating anymore, I didn’t see the point in making a huge deal about it with ‘Billy.’ We were still somewhat friends, and I just wanted to move on and get over it.

“Well, months and months go by and I meet a new girl named ‘Petunia.’ ‘Billy’ kept asking about her but I did not want them to meet for obvious reasons. I did the most stupid thing I could ever do, and me and ‘Petunia’ decided to move in together. Well stupid stupid stupid me, we moved in with a friend of mine who also knew ‘Billy,’ so of course ‘Billy’ met ‘Petunia.’ About three weeks later, I find out that ‘Petunia’ had cheated on me with ‘Billy.’ I moved out and have not talked to ‘Billy’ in years. Fuck that ASSHOLE.

“‘Petunia’ called me a few years after all this and wanted me to come by the hospital and see her dying mom. How fucked up is that? I did go see her.”

BREAK UP/THINGS
+ “I used to date this night life photographer/web designer guy. One night we were out and about so he could do his whole clicky clicky thing, and we ran into his ex who proceeded to throw herself all over him. Now this was not the most stable relationship (actually, I would call it “volatile” on a good day), and I immediately wanted to leave.

“We ended up arguing the whole walk to my apartment. In the heat of it all, I grabbed his camera and threw it onto the pavement as hard as I could. He was obviously angry and went home after that. About two seconds after I closed my door, I realized what a bitch move that was. I went straight over to his house to apologize and offer to pay for the camera.

“At this point, I was still veryveryveryvery drunk. He had a door that went straight into his room from outside with this big window right in the middle. When I got there I started knocking on the door and managed to accidentally (I swear to a god that doesn’t exist it was an accident) punch through the window. I took my hand out of the hole I had made, and he was just giving me the worst look in the world through the broken glass.

“I knew he was going to dump me after that; I just knew it. So I yelled, ‘I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE‘ through the hole, and left. We ended up dating for another seven months after that. The things people will put up with!”